Apparently the cart boys were on strike. Or they were being derelict in their duties. I did smell the faint wafting of marijuana smoke from somewhere off in the distance. Perhaps they were having a meeting at the back of the building.
I did my duty and grabbed five carts, nested them and brought them to the store. I saw 600-1000 people pass by errant carts in the lot only to grab one at the front of the store. As if those had been refurbished or washed or were otherwise better in some way than the carts they just passed.
I went about my shopping with the smug security that I was a far better person than any of them. It's good to like yourself.
Ground beef, fancy buns, Pickles, bottle of scotch. This is how a man shops. Too bad the automotive section was all the way on the other side of the store otherwise some sort of chassis grease and a pine tree air freshener may have been involved, too.
I chose the wrong line. I always do. But there was a lady behind me in her power chair so I unloaded her basket onto the belt for her while we chatted. I wondered if all the people around me appreciated the order of magnitude I was better than they. I smiled to myself.
Editor's note: If you haven't figured out I am being incredibly sarcastic and facetious about being superior, you don't know me at all.
Home after, (no kidding), waiting in line for 32 minutes. My ground beef was already brown and my cheap scotch now fine, rare and aged. Time to get to work.
Homemade Honest-to-goodness best Cheesburger, Ever:
With 80/20 ground beef mix the following to taste:
1/4 Stick Melted Butter
Worcestershire Sauce
Salt
Pepper
Garlic Powder
Onion Powder
Paprika
Dill
Chipotle Chile Powder
Mustard Powder
Grated Parmesian Cheese
Make patties the size you want (1/2 to 1/3 pound for me). Stick patties thoroughly with a coffee stirrer to help them cook evenly and not get all rounded and bunched up. this is key with a bigger patty so it isn't burned at the end and raw in the middle.
Preheat grill to high temp (I shoot for 500 degrees F). Dust one side of patty with garlic powder, salt and Parmesian cheese. Put that side down on the hot grill. Allow to cook for 6-7 minutes top up with high heat on.
Look at sides of meet to determine level of done-ness. Once the patty is about 70% of the way cooked through, dust the remaining side of the patty and flip. THIS IS YOUR ONLY FLIP! You can test for if they are ready by checking if they slide easily on the grill grate, or if there is resistance. Resistance means the crust on the outside of the burger is not fully formed. Leave it for another minute. If your burger is done and doesn't have a crust, you didn't trust me on the hot grill and you must now pay for your mistake. The 500 degrees is key to the finish you desire.
Cook on the second side for 1-5 minutes depending on how you want the burger (medium rare - well). I like a medium well burger which puts it at 160-165 degrees in the center.
Drizzle small amount of melted butter on bun and grill to liking. Add whatever condiments you want (if you're so inclined to ruin your food with catsup) and enjoy. I used whatever cheese I am in the mood for or have (in this case American 'Cheese'), Mayo, Lettuce, Tomato, Onion and Yellow Mustard.
I also grilled zucchini and squash with salt pepper and olive oil and had the aforementioned pickle.
For a more European flare, Try melting goat cheese or whole milk mozzarella over the patty on the grill and serve with sliced Black Olives, Radicchio, Red Onion and Tomato.
To you, it is just a burger, or if you are terminally uncool or British a 'Hamburger Sandwhich'. To me, it is the singularly most versatile food on the planet, each one an opportunity for artistry and invention.
Bon Appetite!
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