Bill Uebbing, Author, Creator, Technical Consultant, Editor, Content Manager and Community Relations Liaison to "Grandiose Ruminations Rooted in Minutiae", (GRRIM), is traveling this week and will be unable to post a blentry.
Astute readers will note the abject lack of posting as of late. The Author wishes to apologize and blames the lack of serviceable ideas for blog posts on his "day job", which lately has been a day job and night job in many different cities. Sometimes, somehow even all at one time. It's really quite amazing.
Stay tuned for next week's blentry entitled, "Still Traveling Because of the Holidays", wherein the author will discuss his inability to 'catch a break' and the affect of driving so much on his lower back and bum area. It's sure to be a people pleaser.
Until then, The author would like to recycle some road witticisms shared previously on Facebook. Sorry for the clip show. It's the best I got.
10 Immutable Laws of Staying in a Hotel:
1. You are the only one there to sleep.
2. The room is never dark enough except the floor area immediately
around coffee tables and other things that jump out at your feet on the
way to the bathroom at 2:00am.
3. The parking lot light/sunrise will be concentrated by the seam in the curtain to the exact spot where your eyes are in bed.
4. Your non-smoking room will smell just like cigarette smoke, although that's impossible, because it's a non-smoking room.
5. The dialogue on the TV will be inexplicably hard to hear, but you can make out every word coming from the neighbor's TV.
6. The light switch for the lamp is not at the door, but hidden on the wall around the corner of the closet, meaning you have to fumble around your bags to turn on a light...
7. Which will inevitably have been turned off by its switch and therefore will not turn on via the wall switch.
8. There will either be no bathroom fan, or there will be a bathroom fan that was apparently a leftover turbojet from a decommissioned 707 based on its overwhelming noise. Of course, same said fan will be completely ineffective in the removal of either steam or noxious emanations.
9. The shower mixer will have temperatures. "Oh my god, my skin melted" hot, or "Oh my god, my outty just became an inny" cold.
10.Finally the desk staff will be adept at telling you how welcome you are all the while making it tacitly known that this is the last they expect to see or hear from you during your stay and you are on your own until checkout at which point they will immediately ransack your former room looking for left over items to plunder.
And a bonus
11. The people upstairs will be tango instructors from a famous clog dancing group and have to get up exactly 30 minutes before you do, thusly robbing you of that last awesome bit of sleep you were really counting on because you stayed up too late watching "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy" on HBO and stayed up even later wondering why you stayed up so late to watch "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy" and truly wondering if you are as smart as you thought you were since you didn't understand not even one second of it.
OK, maybe that one is a little obscure in its specificity, but like I said... It's the best I can do right now.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Come Thou Long Expected Blog Post
What a season it has been! It seems that Thanksgiving was but a moment ago and I haven't had a moment to myself. Thus the neglect of Grandiose Ruminations. I am sure most of you have survived just fine without semi-regular thoughts from the deepest recesses of the shallow pool that is my mind. And if you haven't? You need to get a life.
Where to begin? Let's start with the "did nots", as in I did not win the Powerball and I did not therefore put into motion the plan to tell people what I really think about things in general and them in specific. That's a privilege reserved for the wealthy and socially inept. I am neither... because I didn't win the Powerball. Rest assured could I afford social ineptitude, I would practice it immediately wholeheartedly and unremittingly. People who seem to know not that the world around them is moving and pulsing and living and dying seem to have much more fun.
I also did not keep track of the events of the year on a daily basis like I swear I am going to do every year when I read Dave Barry's year in review. I suppose that is just fine, since I couldn't come close to the bard's cleverness and wit. Beside all that, it's his thing. Why not find my own thing?
I did not make anymore progress on personal writing. No more chapters of my moribund novel "One Summer on Shit Creek", no progress on my motivational/humorous speaking.
I also did not read 50 books this year. I did not read 30, nor 20. I read maybe 12. And If I go back and really look I may find it's less than that. So, for the sake of my image, let's say I eked out 12. Not good at all.
I did not manage to keep off the weight I had lost the previous two years. Better luck next year.
I did not save any money toward my goal of a new garage and driveway.
I did not, could not, get out of writing the Christmas letter this year that I know everyone sniggers at me for. Please understand, this is not my doing. I am chained up on November 1st in a cage with all my favorite foods being prepared just outside my reach until I finally write the letter. Only then am I released and able to enjoy life again in the wild. I hold out as long as I can, I promise!
Now for the "I dids".
I did reach my unspoken goal of selling over $1M this year. By a fair amount I might add. Next year's goal is now $3M.
I did get a contractor to replace the doors in the house that were long since past the pooch.
I did make progress on restoring the casement windows. I got three done. I was aiming for seven. I will have to amp that process up. It will begin this winter with the desire to restore four of the storm windows. That will leave me with six to go for next winter. My goal with casements this summer will be to finish the bay at the front of the house, which has four more to go and the two second floor casements.
I did manage to see my parents twice this year... this is a goal of mine going forward. One never knows what tomorrow holds, so you better take your chances now.
I hope you all, (ok, both!) had a good year and I hope you have a great year to come!
Where to begin? Let's start with the "did nots", as in I did not win the Powerball and I did not therefore put into motion the plan to tell people what I really think about things in general and them in specific. That's a privilege reserved for the wealthy and socially inept. I am neither... because I didn't win the Powerball. Rest assured could I afford social ineptitude, I would practice it immediately wholeheartedly and unremittingly. People who seem to know not that the world around them is moving and pulsing and living and dying seem to have much more fun.
I also did not keep track of the events of the year on a daily basis like I swear I am going to do every year when I read Dave Barry's year in review. I suppose that is just fine, since I couldn't come close to the bard's cleverness and wit. Beside all that, it's his thing. Why not find my own thing?
I did not make anymore progress on personal writing. No more chapters of my moribund novel "One Summer on Shit Creek", no progress on my motivational/humorous speaking.
I also did not read 50 books this year. I did not read 30, nor 20. I read maybe 12. And If I go back and really look I may find it's less than that. So, for the sake of my image, let's say I eked out 12. Not good at all.
I did not manage to keep off the weight I had lost the previous two years. Better luck next year.
I did not save any money toward my goal of a new garage and driveway.
I did not, could not, get out of writing the Christmas letter this year that I know everyone sniggers at me for. Please understand, this is not my doing. I am chained up on November 1st in a cage with all my favorite foods being prepared just outside my reach until I finally write the letter. Only then am I released and able to enjoy life again in the wild. I hold out as long as I can, I promise!
Now for the "I dids".
I did reach my unspoken goal of selling over $1M this year. By a fair amount I might add. Next year's goal is now $3M.
I did get a contractor to replace the doors in the house that were long since past the pooch.
I did make progress on restoring the casement windows. I got three done. I was aiming for seven. I will have to amp that process up. It will begin this winter with the desire to restore four of the storm windows. That will leave me with six to go for next winter. My goal with casements this summer will be to finish the bay at the front of the house, which has four more to go and the two second floor casements.
I did manage to see my parents twice this year... this is a goal of mine going forward. One never knows what tomorrow holds, so you better take your chances now.
I hope you all, (ok, both!) had a good year and I hope you have a great year to come!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Jack
I had never seen the mood of a large group of people in one place change so suddenly and completely as I did this Sunday morning in church when it was announced that Jack Terkeurst had passed away. Only a couple months ago, the congregation celebrated Jack and his wife Corrinne's 90th birthdays, which happened to be only a week apart.
Jack was the Grandfather to our friends Brent (Katrina) and Tricia and a fixture of the church. I half expected the very foundations of the building to begin quivering until they shook apart at the announcement. An usher for untold years, there are precious few congregants that weren't directly touched by Jack and his permanent smile and friendly greeting. Before that, Jack fought against the forces of tyranny in WWII.
It will be a sadder Christmas this year for the Terkeursts, but I hope they remember Jack had a wonderful life and a great positive effect on all he touched.
Jack was the Grandfather to our friends Brent (Katrina) and Tricia and a fixture of the church. I half expected the very foundations of the building to begin quivering until they shook apart at the announcement. An usher for untold years, there are precious few congregants that weren't directly touched by Jack and his permanent smile and friendly greeting. Before that, Jack fought against the forces of tyranny in WWII.
It will be a sadder Christmas this year for the Terkeursts, but I hope they remember Jack had a wonderful life and a great positive effect on all he touched.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)