Harry Potter 7 Part 1

We finally broke down and saw Harry Potter and the Never Ending Sequels, Part I last night and it was good. The last book of the series was a particular letdown for me. I didn't like the structure, I didn't like the pace and I didn't like the ending. At all. For what it's worth, this movie (broken into two parts) was the most faithful recreation of the book. In fact, this movie was likely the best of them all so far based solely on that yardstick and I would say it is more enjoyable than the book.

Infamnia! my literary friends, Barnes and Noble geeks and much of the general population cry! How can this be true? Well, two words. Emma Watson.

Ok, her hotness is over 18 now, so I don't want a lot of guff about this. Truly, when the story is not moving the picture along, having a good looking person on the screen helps. A lot. As is the case here. There are a lot of shots of Miss Watson where she is simply mugging for the camera in full model pose. Normally, this would not work on me because I am too savvy, too deep for this shallow cheap method of distraction. But even I have my weaknesses.

There are a lot of good looking people in this movie- it's just some of them are tarted up to look really, um, not good looking. Em and I noted Alan Rickman has gained weight. Like, a whole person worth. He needs to start pounding the slim fast - and fast. I guess when you've been able to wear flowing black robes in your roles for the last decade you can let yourself go a little, but seriously, Severus, give someone else a turn at the craft services table.

What amazed me is how old these 'kids' are. I live in a world where in my mind nobody ages except for me. So to see these people who were wee lads and lasses when first we met it stunning, since they are now adults. The same is true for my youth group kids. It always surprises me they grow up and go away. Then they come back big, strong, grown-up and I wonder when that happened. Clearly I am not a parent.

In fact, it's a good thing the movie series is coming to a close before too long. Any more and the title would be "Harry Potter and the Half-Broke Hip," where Madame Pomfrey can't even fix Harry after a seniors league game of Quidditch gone awry, Hermione becomes impossible to be around because of the constant hot flashes and fits of crying each time she looks at the medicare pamphlet in an effort to figure out which plan is best for her and Ron suffers terribly because he can't operate his Hover-Round without knocking everything over.

It is time for these actors to assume their rightful place in the pantheon of fame... that of the non-working typecast actor who none of the establishment is willing to put into a different role because they assume the audience will not, can not, see them in a different role. I hope they saved their money. Especially Rupert Grint. I diagnosed him with McCauley's syndrome, (cute youngster, then progressively less cute until apparently hit in the face by a frying pan. Repeatedly. Named for Macaulay Culkin who suffered acutely -get it?-. Other sufferers include Frankie Muniz, Mayim Bialik and I have strong suspicions about Justin Bieber), way back in the second movie. Sorry, Rupe, it was pretty clear things were going the wrong way with you from the start. Hey, but you got to kiss Emma Watson, which never would have happened otherwise and by nature of your fame you will likely get more tail than a donkey poster at a birthday party so don't feel too bad. Some of us are ugly and don't have fame and money to make us feel better.

Dan Radcliff reached his zenith in the looks department, too and now is starting to look like David Letterman to me. Presuming he did his own stunts in this movie, he likely hurt his acting future when by jumping into the frozen lake to retrieve the sword of Godric Gryffindor which pretty much ruins his chances for any reprisals of his role in Equus due to eternal penile shrinkage which is an unfortunate side effect of 'polar bearing' that only a few can recover from. The end of the same scene shows Ron facing a lusty, sort of dreamlike, airbrushed incantation of a naked Harry and Hermione making sweet sweet love that dissolved into the firmament just in time so we couldn't see any of the naughty bits so it's hard to tell what if any effect the cold had on Harry's magic wand.

Rating systems are all the rage so if I must give a rating to soothe the masses, I give this movie 2 stars and a purple horseshoe out of a possible 3 green clovers. Not bad at all.