The Evansville Chroincles Pt. 2

Dear Nissan,

How much extra would it have cost per car to put an armrest in the Versa?
Sincerely,
My Right Arm
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What a terrible little shitbox the Nissan Versa is. Although it does have a strong parking brake, so lurid slides are totally doable and very fun.

It has surprising acceleration off the line, but the harder you push the pedal the acceleration slows and all the energy goes into making noise.

There is a flap on the dashboard that opens to expose a storage compartment that's isn't big enough to get my hand into. So if I did store something in it, I could never get it out. Brilliant. These are the people building cars that are beating ours? Ours must be really really bad. Maybe the government will be able to do better.

The gauges are small and cramped with illegible markings. The radio is incomprehensibly difficult to discern and use sitting still, let alone while driving. I hate this car with the passion of a thousand hot suns.

The mirror control, (power mirrors but no arm rest?), is way up by my left knee below the steering wheel, requiring me to lean way forward just to reach it. Which means that when I sit back in the position I actually drive in all I can see is the rear door handle out the left side and up my right nostril out the other.

No matter, this thing is so slow there is nothing behind me.

I am trying hard to destroy this car. I am pulling the gear shifter into low gear at highway speeds to see what happens. I am braking way at the last minute. The throttle is either 100% open or 100% closed. Sometimes, for no reason, I will just pump the pedal like I am playing an old pump organ.

This car hates me, too.

There is a lesson here, kids. Don't buy cars that used to be rentals. This car is essentially destroyed after 7,000 miles. There are a lot of people like me in the world. Rental cars get abused like red headed step children.

Having breakfast at a diner themed Denny's, (no, sadly the food is terrible, just like you'd expect), I realized the same people who were in Dowagiac were sitting here in Denny's. Only this time, I was the only one not speaking with an accent. Being this close to Kentucky I at least understand why.

On to my meeting.