Shakedown

Yesterday was the shakedown day for my beloved 32 year old piece of crap car. Typically the way these things work is I spend a bunch of time rolling around on the dirty garage floor only fixing things that were sorta broken, only to make whatever it is worse than is was at the start. That's not really true, but it feels that way sometimes. Welcome to Bill's garage! Our motto: If it ain't broke, fix it 'til it is!

Not this time. Everything works that worked before and the brakes are now better than I ever remember them being. I have been driving this car since 1990 and the brakes have never been great. As I mentioned, I replaced some components, and voila!

The stuff that was broken, like the A/C and heat, cruise control and driver side door lock, is still broken. I keep hoping for some self-healing. No dice.

Stephen King's book Christine is about a 1959 Plymouth Fury that takes possession of it's owners' souls and kills anyone it sees fit to kill. It is clearly meant to be a cautionary tale about not putting too much value into something that is in the end not worth the effort and time you are putting into it. Or, maybe it's an allegory of loving someone or something too much. So much so that you overlook its dreadful and fatal flaws and get sucked into its vortex of evil. Maybe that's what some people get out of it. Not me. Christine could heal herself. After a night of killing and crushing, a girl gets some scratches and dings. No problem for Christine. She just shakes it off and poof, she's ready to kill again. could I deal with a killer car that fixed itself without my intervention? Yes. Killing is wrong, but I hate rolling around on the garage floor.

Well, Bill, you can't fix a car just by rolling on the garage floor, you say. Too right, my friend... It's a phrase, a metaphor if you will. Look it up. Now, back to the car.

I can fix all of it, but it will require removing the dashboard. If I am going to do that, I need to rewire everything in there, replace a bunch of stuff and swear a lot. It will be easier to take out the dash if I take out the seats. If I take out the seats, I might as well restore the plastic seat frames. Since in this scenario the seats are out, I should just pull out the carpet, put in some heat and sound insulation, wire up a new sound system put in new carpet (the right way this time, Dad!), reinstall the seats, do the work in the dash and before you know it, Chelsea Clinton is president and I am a grand high wizard in AARP and the people from Visa are sending people over to meet me with knives in their hands.

Old car owners know the danger of "while I'm at it" syndrome. They go to change a fuse and the next thing you know, the body is off the frame, the wife has to park in the street and Junior's college fund just got appropriated to car. That's okay. He probably wasn't going to college anyway.

I am so ready to tear into the car now. I am in a mental place where not driving for a couple years and spending money that doesn't really exist in the stricktest and shedding much blood, sweat and tears to redo the car. But, I am not in a physical space. I don't have a clean dry garage. If I were to start on the car, I would have a non-functioning car in pieces in a garage that is non-functioning and in pieces. Now, back to the car.

It was a nice short cruise. I find a nice short, successful cruise is just the thing to stave off "while I'm at it" syndrome. I would much rather drive than wrench. I hope spring comes- and soon. I have been real bored lately. It might be nice to feel a wrench in my hand.
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