Mexican Standoff

My parents and I both worked hard to send me to college and in between late night benders I actually put forth a concerted effort to learn while there. I was a better than average student, managing to make the Dean's List a couple times. I liked learning then as I do now and feel I got a good education both academic and social. The result is 13 years after graduation I am qualified for exactly no jobs that interest me in the least. That is, according to the position descriptions offered on the various online job boards.

I have held management positions since I was 16 years old. I have been in charge of or responsible for money, property, inventory, people, policy, customer service, operations and for a brief time, washing my boss' car. I read and write the English language with some modicum of success. I am gregarious and magnanimous and generally come with a low low price.

6 months ago, I got a "no thank you" letter from a bowling alley where I had applied as General Manager. I applied at a bowling alley because I knew I would get a call and an interview and would be offered the job at which time I would demure and decline because I don't want to run a bowling alley. Imagine the blow to my ego when I got a declination. I guess my average wasn't high enough.

It is like finding out that the girl you knew you could take to the prom because she followed you around like a lost little puppy got asked by someone else 10 minutes before you got around to asking her because no one else would go with you. Except in this scenario, I am not frozen out of some stupid dance, I am frozen out of the job market.

I am forced, therefore, to choose between being happy in my profession (which has mostly eluded me since I started working), or, (barely) making a living. How did this happen? When did a promising young person with talent and wit become an underemployed mid 30's guy who has no prospects?

Shit. I don't even like my options.
1. Back to school
Pros
Learning is fun
I will have an advanced degree

Cons
No guarantees of better prospects
Money/Time

2. Keep working where I am
Pros
A bird in the hand...
Money continues to flow

Cons
Certain early death
The money really trickles more than it flows


3. Starting my own business
Pros
Working for myself
Sense of satisfaction/achievement
Money can be great

Cons
Working for myself
I don't have any money to start anything

I am in a Mexican stand-off with myself. Damned if I do, damned if I do. Where I go from here I simply don't know. I wish there were signs. Not subtle quiet signs, big, bombastic unmistakable signs that pointed the way to go. All I ask for is guaranteed success, lots of money and unbridled happiness. What, too much?