I am a little spent as I write this, trying to keep all my plates spinning. I admit, some plates have dropped and shattered. I realized I haven't spoken to my sister since our birthdays in April. So I called her and she reminded me I was an assh*ole and we laughed about it. Of course it never came up that she hasn't called me either.
And the reason is we had the same conversation we had last time and the time before and it seems like every time before that. When nothing changes, a quarterly or biannual phone call suffices, I suppose. And let me tell you, nothing changed with either of us. we are just older and more tired than the last time, but the reasons are all still the same.
*Warning* Long digression ahead!
I don't know two harder working people than my sister and me. We have both traditionally had jobs requiring vast hours, yielding less than stunning pay working for people who really should have been working for us.
Sounds familiar, right? I suppose to one extent or another, we are all in that boat. Maybe some of us are in first class and some are in steerage, but the concept remains the same throughout.
I suppose we get it from my dad, who didn't really appear to like most of his jobs, or at least who he worked for. My mom seemed to love being a nurse, though sometimes the personalities involved were tough to handle. I think she would say her professional life was rewarding and well-spent.
My sister and I seem to have a heightened sense of (in)justice. I think we really do treat people in our professional lives as we would want to be treated. That doesn't mean nicely all the time, but certainly with respect and admiration.
Discipline is part of this, too. You parents out there know it is hard to sit and have a frank conversation with someone about things that need to change. But if you do it consistently and respectfully, you will receive respect in return.
The main problem is in our service fields, many senior people never took that elective in school and got to where they are today by being bull-headed know nothing lackeys who got results for a short period of time and were elevated as a result.
There are few lines of succession because the companies themselves are too short sighted to see past "now".
So, we talked and kibitzed about our work situations for over an hour. I know nothing more of my sister than I did before. It was indeed well trod ground.
I have to admit, it was not what I was hoping for, but I suspect it didn't hurt to listen to someone else who was going through a lot of the same thing as I am. What really strikes me is after years of being assured that my sister and I are very different people, we have become in a lot of respects very much the same.
*And now, back to the show*
I used to think of my parents as sort-of hands off. This is not to say distant or neglectful, but respectful of our abilities to find our way. We could go to them for free advice (I still do) and it would be given without hesitation.
Looking at the situation now, I see that my sister and I, (not related by blood as we are both adopted) are strongly following the path that nurture provided through the direct intervention and action of our parents. They must have been pretty good at raising me on my terms, because I always felt (and wanted to feel) like I was on my own until I didn't want to be.
I called my parents because my mom sent an e-mail that uncle surprised them. They hadn't seen him in 25 years. So I had to call and get the skinny. It was pretty funny both my sister and I called. I'm sure Uncle Dan was dually impressed that my parents' children were calling. at least we're keeping up appearances was my comment since I don't call my parents often.
So, through this conversation, I decided to call my sister and face the music.
My sister and postulate that some sort of show is going to drop, though it hasn't happened yet. This is another assumption based on things we learned as kids, particularly relating to my dad's side of the family. No news is good news and phone call equates to death, property disaster or Christmas. Nothing else.
This is in clear evidence the two times per year my parents call me to make sure I am alive (because I missed my bi-monthly check in phone call). Usually I am busy and can't pick up, so they leave a voicemail that always starts with "Hi, hon... It's Mom and Dad. Everything is fine, no need to worry, we were just calling to..."
Last summer Dave and I were eating a sub after doing some yard work and my parents called. Since I was indoors and eating, I made a mental note to call back. 3o seconds later, my sister called and now I was in cold sweats and palpitations. I almost crapped myself right there.
"Hi hon, everything's fine... just calling to say..."
How rude. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment