These Boots Were Made for (Mall) Walkin'

Forced Indoors

It is a poor facsimile to walking outdoors, but to my mind a vast improvement over a treadmill. Our mall walking season began last week. We go to a virtually deserted mall not far from the house and mostly have the run (or the walk as it were) of the place. Today's session started fine, but by the end started resembling a scene from Night of the Living Dead, with slow, mangled people in advanced stages of decay doing their zombie walking which resembles a sort of slow motion shuffle drag... shuffle drag. I shouldn't be so quick to get pissy. If I live that long, I will surely be one of them. I always thought losing my mind would be the worst fate of aging. A number of recent occurrences have lead me to believe otherwise.

35 and Falling Apart

My MRI results came back. Arthritis in C 1-6. My body is decaying at a young age. There are a lot of reasons this would be so, not the least among them my mistreatment of my body throughout my young adulthood. I am sure genetics plays a major role, too. The end result is I am always stiff and sore and feel way older than I am. Furthermore, most of the drugs on the market that treat the symptoms are expensive and are contraindicated with my other medicines and conditions, namely blood pressure and kidney disease.

So I paid (or will pay when the bill comes) a lot of money for a test that made me mess my pants from fear only to find out what in my heart I already knew. On top of which, there is not much I can do about it but to keep exercising, keep stretching and keep losing weight.

Being Old in Public

Ok, I am just going to come out and say it. It's rude to be old in public. It's rude to drive so slowly you impede traffic. It's rude to take 30 minutes to park your Lincoln and still be crooked and buck-toothed. It is rude, as I saw today, to 'walk' two abreast, three feet apart when there are 50 people trying to walk the same mall, forcing them to go around you.

I feel awful, but I believe this with all my heart that it is rude to be old in public, the same way I believe most Asians can't drive, (sorry, Asian friends... being good at math is cool, too!), and most men don't wash their hands after they pee, (this I unfortunately know to be true). My own dear mother is reading this right now and on the next browser tab is booking a flight to my home for the sole purpose of knocking me upside the head. She, after all, is coming on to her last year of her 60's. I am sorry to say I define 70 as officially old.

Not used up, not worthless, not in God's waiting room, but you have to admit at 70, things change a bit. If someone dies of a heart attack in their 60's, the eulogy will almost certainly contain the phrase "...was taken too soon from us..." Take the same person in their 70's and the phrase becomes "...lived a long, rich life..." Put that person in their 80's and it changes again "...was blessed to have spent so many healthy years on this Earth..." If someone dies in their 90's nobody comes to the funeral because everyone they knew is dead, or has forgotten them. Most likely you'll hear "...I thought she died in '78!"

What of Me

So, what of me? It does not bode well that I am only in my 30s and the ill effects of aging are already hitting me. It has actually got me down. Very down. How bad will it get? will I be able to cope? Can I live a happy life if my mobility is impaired? Will I still have the ability to offer myself physically in the service of my faith as I do now with things like Habitat and REACH?

I don't know the answers. I guess I will just have to stay positive and keep working and keep pretending and keep moving and shaking my ass in order to stave off the surgeon's knife for one more year. Right now, I'm not feeling positive or hopeful or optimistic. I'm just feeling old.

Need a Mental Mint

I just went back an reread what I have written so far. What a downer. So, I'll leave you with a mental mint. Maybe dinner was so so, but at least you get a mint at the end.

We had an informal night of cards and conversation with our neighbors last night. We, being a tight knit neighborhood are not strangers by any means. Living directly across the street from each other gives ample opportunity to visit in the summer evenings, or at least shout friendly missives across the street. They are middle aged, with grown kids but are pretty cool and like-minded. It is interesting the parallels between us... Emily is like Glen, I am like Nancy. We had a good talk and a good laugh and didn't call it a night until 10:30! For those of you who think this is incredibly lame, I understand. I am a morning person... I start turning into a pumpkin as soon as I hear "Wheel! Of! Fortune!" come blasting out of my TV. We are what we are, which makes our hanging out with people 20 years older than us, perfect.

We had a blast. Well, I had a blast anyhow because for once in my life, I had all the cards. It was the best card night I have had. Ever. We were playing Euchre and I had a loner, I was able to set twice and mostly able to take all five tricks when I called trump. We played four rounds and I won all four convincingly. I shall try to remember last night and the unsurpassed card luck I had. It is a rarity indeed.

And Finally

I guess that wasn't much of an ending, or for that matter a mental mint. I admit I am struggling here to be my normal ebullient and effervescent self, like a well spoken Alka Seltzer. So, I won't put on heirs. It is what it is. If you want funny, go back and read some of my previous posts. They're funny. Maybe I'll do the same. I could use a laugh.