Thursday, April 7, 2011

Badd Spalling and Other Maladies of the System

I spend a lot of time on the internet. A lot. Too much. I am one of those who gets a little itchy if I haven't checked up on things for a little bit (30 seconds). I have developed this habit over the years. Some things change, some things do not change.

People's ability, or lack thereof, to spell and punctuate has only changed for the worse. The slow dissolution of our requirements to be correct is starting to jump offline and into the real world. For instance, I passed a building today that where the sign read: CPA's.

It is entirely possible that the person who owns that sign has the initials, C.P.A., making the sign somewhat less egregious, but it is very, very doubtful (see below where I decide to continue on this rant- for the sake of flow, I removed it down to the bottom). My own company's website is fraught with grammatical missteps and errors of this sort. I am too new to tell anyone. I feel embarrassed to point it out. That no one else has caught it, pointed it out or gone about correcting it is somewhat more worrisome, but apparently the fact that we fix flood's and fire's is okay by the leadership.

I was the only one who noted that a van we had just gotten back from the graphics shop spelled refrigeration as refridgeration. I am a terrible speller... I went into why at length in a blentry quite some time ago. In case you don't remember, that particular faculty was fried by some 110 AC current and an intrepid stab of metal into a light socket while taking part in a spelling bee. But refridgeration jumped off the van like a tigress ready to strike.

How come they didn't notice this at the graphics shop? Are you telling me the person who laid out the graphics was not capable of spelling? Or at least looking a word up? Is the graphic shop we use competitively priced because they do without things like spell checker?

It is 6 months after I noticed that gaffe, and that van is now in service on the other side of the state with a different arm of the company, and refridgeration is still proudly emblazoned on the side of the van. My question is, if we can't spell it, how the hell can we service it?

I am also a poor typist, another shortcoming I freely admit. On this very blog there are many an entry that have misused, misspelled words. I typically do not go back and spend a lot of time reading my own blogs. If I did, I would deem them worthless and they would never get published. I assure you, however, that when I am creating or editing business correspondence, I am Johnny on the Spot with the grammar and spelling.

How is it we are allowing this to slip? Why isn't proper language usage both verbal and written an absolute necessity in all we do? We don't even need schools to teach it, if we all did it right, that is how we would all learn, naturally, over time.

Em and I had a talk on one of our walks and she said something that triggered an idea in my head. How about we relent and give all kids cell phones? They can have the newest and best with free unlimited texting and talking. The caveat? They cannot send a text unless it is grammatically correct and spelled properly. There will be a tutorial on how to fix what was typed and therefore it will be a lot like learning! We can call it text-bot.

Similarly, phone conversations could be monitored by a talk-bot. if there is an egregious misuse of a word, or the use of a made-up word, (dethaw and irregardless pop to mind) talk-bot will interrupt you and correct you. You could even customize your talk-bot to have a celebrity voice. Imagine, Lady Ga Ga teaching the children proper grammar usage!

No longer will we hear "me and Sam are going to the store, or Sam and me are going to the store, or suffer through commonly overlooked errors like making a lot one word to read, alot. Who didn't learn this stuff?

My mother and father were so picky with me growing up and I hated every minute of it. They constantly corrected my speaking. If I asked about a word, how to spell it or how to use it, I was told to look it up and come back with the answer. It was brilliant parenting. It just seems as if may parents, or at least parents of their generation were amongst the last who knew the good they were doing by being such pains in the ass.

Without further ado, let's explore some of my most pet of peeves.

Irregardless- Did you know as I type this, it does not say it is misspelled? Which means this unholy mash up of the two words irrespective and regardless has made it into the common vernacular.

Dethaw- This would mean to freeze, yes? Would you say unthaw? How about defreeze or unfreeze? No? Right, because it is an abortion of grammar. So stop saying dethaw.

Deprivised (deprivized?)- As used by a boss I had once. Please don't make fun of the way I talk, I'm a little sleep deprovised.

Incorrect use of possessives- It is not "the lake's mall", it is "the lakes mall." The lake does not own the mall. It is certainly not CPA's, which would have to be read CPA-is. This makes no sense at all. And if it was C.P.A.'s, meaning a person with the initials C.P.A. owned it, then the sign is still wrong. Why the need to add an apostrophe to everything these days? not every word that is plural is possessive. Its/It's is a great example. It's means It is. Say it out loud with me. It Is My Cup, not its my cup. Its is assumed to be possessive already. It's (It is) in its very nature.

Incorrect placement of the plural- It is Mothers-in-Law not Mother-in-laws. Please, make the article/noun/pronoun, (mother) not the modifier (in-law) plural.

You're/Yore/Your- A contraction is the melding of two words, denoted by the use of an apostrophe. You're is therefore a contraction of you/are. The 'a' is dropped and replaced by the apostrophe. so 'you're' and 'you are' are both 6 characters. Some shortcut. Whomever came up with contractions is singularly responsible for all the bad things in the world since that day, ever. I long for the days of YORE when we did not write with contractions, ever. And Your is possessive... if I ever see your's, I am going to cut your fingers off and feed them to you.

Who/whose/who's/whom- when I figure this one out, I'll let you know. See also, Lye, Lie, Lay, Lain.

And many, many more... but lunch is over so I have to go.

Piece my Friend's. Please, make sure your fixing you're spelling and grammer errors before the world ends bad.

1 comment:

  1. so is it a lot? or alot? you confused me and spell check tells me alot is incorrect...

    (that's what I don't understand, how can people not see the squiggly red line telling them it's wrong!!??? Do they think Spell Check is wrong? That's like your friend who argued that Trivial Pursuit cards were incorrect...)

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