On Valentine's Day

I just wanted to take a moment and declare my love for something very important to me... gin. Thank you, gin for all your piny juniper goodness. Thank you for being so good in a martini glass with an olive or five. Thank you for slowing my mind and helping me understand that things are gonna be okay. In fact they've always been okay, and they always will be.

Sure, I love bourbon. But you can't bring bourbon home to your mom, now can you? With her smoky deep voice and her amber tones. Oh no, bourbon has been around the block a few too many times. Scotch and I have gone on a few dates over the years, but her attitude makes it so that I have to be in a specific mood to enjoy her charms.

Vodka? Don't even get me started. That slut goes with everything. One second she's with cranberry juice and the next second she's getting gang banged in a Long Island. Which one is it you lusty strumpet? No- vodka is like a woman in stilettos on a Vegas street corner with bright red lips and lashes as long as the ultra-thin cigarette she is seductively sucking. Sure, you're gonna have fun, but you're gonna have to pay, not to mention the immediate need to get to the free clinic.

We can't even mention beer, that farting, belching queen of the trailer park. After a night with her, you will only feel pain and regret. surely, beer, tattooed and acerbic cannot hold a candle to you my sweet gin.

Dear gin, my sweet girl next store. The simple sun dress only hinting at your sultry shape and the warmth of your innocent laughter. You pull me in with your come hither stare and make me work to enjoy your charms. It doesn't even matter that you have a chaperone (that pesky vermouth), I just want to be with you.

Oh, gin! Thank you for your simple elegant beauty. And by the way, you look smoking hot in that martini glass hugging on those olives, just a little hot, just a little dirty, just right. Thank you, gin for being my date tonight.

XXXOOO

P.S. From Poet Ogden Nash

There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish I had one at present.
There is something about a Martini,
Ere the dining and dancing begin,
And to tell you the truth,
It is not the vermouth--
I think that perhaps it's the gin.

Ogden Nash