Any Way You Cut It

For years, I have been entrenched in my use of a certain major label razor. Being a bald man, I have a lot of ground to cover and as such, my razors tend not to last as long as the average guy's. On top of that, my beard, particularly around my neck and jowls is very tough so my razors work hard.

But I was having to work too hard for my razors. I mean, geez, "Brand G" is pretty proud of their product, considering I am using the same design as the one from 10 years ago. The price sure hasn't gone down during that time and I'm pretty sure the tooling and R&D have been paid for by now.

So, I heard about an inexpensive place online. A service with brilliant marketing that will bill you monthly and send top quality razors to your door. The marketing really is brilliant. It is very funny. But since I am not being paid to hawk wares and I refuse to monetize this blog, I'll leave you to find them if you want. It may be worth it.

In the end, I didn't use the service because I wasn't thrilled about recurring billing or the vagaries of the US Postal Service, which lately delivers Tuesday's mail on Thursday, after 5:00pm. No joke. Anyhow, I did more Googling and found the name of the manufacturer of the shave club's blades and wouldn't you know it, they have an online store.

I bought 32 cartridges and a shaver for... wait for it... $30.00. A far cry from the $22,543.12 that haul would have cost from "Brand G" at a retail store.

The level of my neurosis becomes apparent to me every so often, and this was one of those times. I literally felt anxiety at the thought of changing razors. But at the same time, I was so excited to try something different. I poured over internet reviews which were roundly positive. Some were even done with a nod to the scientific method. I guess I am in good neurotic company. I have bought cars after doing less research. Much less. Many cars.

But I ordered the wrong item and so got 30 blades but no shaver handle. I would have to defer my excitement until the shaver came. By Saturday, I really needed a shave. I was shaggy in all the wrong ways. Not that cool CEO five O'clock shadow that popular douchebags all across America like to sport, (including me), but an unkempt sort of Rasputinesque look. And not the cool Alan Rickman Rasputin, but more like a National Geographic Rasputin. Have I made myself clear?

It was bad enough I relented and used one of my wife's disposable razors to clean up my aforementioned tough neck whiskers.

Now I know why Frankenstein had those knobs on his neck. he must have borrowed his wife's disposable razor. No wonder it takes Em 36 hours and 300 gallons of water and a full tube of goo to shave her legs! Em says she doesn't have an issue with them and I say fine. I will sooner use caustic lye t remove my stubble than use one of her razors ever again.

Wouldn't you know after I performed this task I checked the mail and in my box was my new shaver! Had I only waited 45 minutes! There's a lesson in that somewhere, but that's not where I am going with this. I tore the packaging open, ran upstairs and immediately tried it out.

I am happy to say I love it. And it's cheap, so I really, really love it. I am now a full fledged fan of these razors and even shaved my head again this morning though I didn't need to. I did it because I could without irritation.This may seem small to you, but I have, like 900 square feet of head to shave three times a week. It's a huge relief to me.

I have saved the rough equivalent of the GDP of a third world country in shaving costs over a 12 month period and I like that. They are made in Tijuana, Mexico. If not American made, at least they're made in the NAFTA region. I don't know what that means, but I suppose I feel good about it. I didn't know they made anything in Tijuana except herpes and empty, broken tequila bottles.

So I don't have a closer, really, except to say I am a happy, whiskerless guy with a good, cheap shaving solution thanks to the internet, the post office and the good people of Tijuana, Mexico.