It's Gonna Be a Scorcher

Weathermen. I think they all must have gone to the same school that taught them the same descriptive words to use in the same ersatz tone of excitement. I can hear the ad now:

"Come to the school of Apocalyptic Divination where we will teach you how to predict the end of the world, not with a Bible or tea leaves or a crystal ball, but with Doppler 6000 Nexrad Future Cast GT Sport technology!
"We'll teach you how to instill panic, runs on the bank and grocery store... we'll show you how to dupe unwitting seniors into almost drinking water out of their bathtubs. We'll teach you everything except how to predict the weather!
"Come to the school of Apocalyptic Divination! Where our motto is 'Go with it, no one expects you to be right, but they sure as hell will believe you.'"

Talk about a bunch of drama queens. Like in the winter when each impending storm is marketed as a killer of unprecedented magnitude, the weathermen (and I imagine the weatherwomen) try to put a deadly spin on the placid heat of summer.

"Stay indoors, we are hearing reports that a lady in Spokane burst into flames without warning picking up her newspaper this morning simply from the sun refracting off one of those cheesy glass ball ornaments she had in her front yard."

They never give you reasonable prudent advice on how to deal with the heat and sun. "Dress appropriately, drink lots of water, pace yourself and find some shade to relax in."

Nope, they are sure you are going to die and they seem pleased to tell you so.

Before turning off the television in minor disgust for want of something good to watch last night, I couldn't help but notice the similarity between the three local networks' weather bumpers. It's as if they were written by the same person and simply performed by a different plastic head.

CBS "It's gonna be a scorcher out there..."
NBS "...A real scorch..."
ABC"...cher, so much so that you may want to stay in..."
FOX"... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

How quickly these people, and I suppose the population at large forget that last month at this time it was 47 degrees and rainy. Nice weather if you are a character in Oliver Twist, but Dickensian London is not my idea of paradise.

We need heat, people. Heat is what makes the warm breezes feel warm. Without heat, those same warm breezes are freezing cold gusts... and they lead to things like snow drifts and clinical depression.

So, quit your bitchin', strip to the bare minimum cotton clothes, glop on the sunblock (if you believe in that stuff), find a tree and sit under it and contemplate why we humans went and screwed up Eden by creating concepts like money and work. And while you are doing that, etch it in your memory, because in 5 short months, it will be just that. A memory.