Is it me or is it that the more words required to describe the stuff that comes out of the cans of air freshener the less it smells like that description? I will go ahead and answer that for you. It is not just me. I don't know what "crisp linen" or "fresh mountain breeze" smells like, but I am pretty sure it doesn't smell like the stuff that gets dispensed from the eponymous aerosol cans that are meant to clear the air.
I say if you have to be so ultra-descriptive with the product, it is likely because it doesn't speak for itself.
And what of the smells that don't exist in nature? "Southern Jasmine Mint Julep" and "Raspberry Wildflower Sunshine" or "Lemon Dew Drop". You know what dew smells like? Worms. Whatever you have in there ain't dew. And sunshine does not smell like anything. To say nothing of wildflowers which smells a lot to me like sneezes.
The practice of putting mostly pleasant smells in a can with the purpose of covering up odious ones is not a smart long-term strategy. Here's why. Lilacs are a flower that whose scent is like a siren song to bees and people alike. People here in Michigan travel to Mackinac Island, where you have to take a ferry to get to, then walk or ride a bike since they don't allow cars all the while dodging horse shit (the chosen commercial conveyance), just to smell the lilacs. It is really something. Maybe this is where the makers of air freshener got the idea to use lilac so heavily in their products. I guess they reasoned that if lilacs can make a place like Mackinac Island, which is literally full of shit, smell good, it must be good enough for your powder room.
Except now, I can't smell a lilac without associating it with a big steaming turd. It's not the lilac's fault... it's SC Johnson and Company's fault. I have been essentially classically conditioned to be repelled by nice smells because they have been co-opted as stink blankets.
Which brings me to an idea. You want America to lose weight since we are so fat and lazy? Sure you do. Start making air freshener that smells like Quarter Pounders and Bacon and Ice Cream and Snickers Bars. The whole world will rush to their asparagus and tofu for want of something to eat that doesn't remind them of excrement.
A product like Lysol shouldn't attempt to smell like anything other than what it is... a bacterial disinfectant. You know what Lysol smell I like? Lysol. The one that comes in the old gold colored can. That stuff will burn your nose hairs off. The only thing it smells like is clean. It isn't pleasant, it isn't unpleasant. It is Lysol and it smells like Lysol.
Even Raid ant and roach killer smells like some frickin' fruity tutti berry crap. This stuff is designed to kill anything you spray it on, yet is smells like a dessert topping. It is dissatisfying knowing I am raining death from above down on a microcosm of God's great earth and all I get is hungry. I don't know how you would synthesize regret, but that would be a good scent for that type of thing... The good news is all those things are dead. The bad news is, you killed them. What if St. Peter is a cockroach. I wonder what they'll spray on you in hell? What will it smell like? Probably strawberry shortcake.
I want to go back to a simpler time when our poisons and biocides and such smelled like death in a can, the way God and polyisobeuterate intended. Not everything in life is pleasant. The smell of last night's dinner the next morning included. Why are we trying to pretend? Shit happens... and it happens to smell bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment