I have a secret. I am so excited to tell you, but I am afraid you won't believe me. I hardly believe it myself but there are too many things that have happened today that simply prove beyond a shadow of a doubt what I am about to reveal.
My. Car. Is. Invisible. For real. I, and I alone can see my car. I don't know when it happened, or how, but it is true. I got my first clue driving down my street this morning. I took caution coming up to the corner where the other street has to yield. I do this as a matter of course because I have no trust and am generally misanthropic.
Sure enough, since my car is invisible, the Saturn blew the yield sign completely, crossing the intersection at the time and place where the front of my car would have been had I not been so fastidious.
She never even looked. I even gave her the Universal WTF shrug of the shoulder and exaggerated facial strain which brings most other drivers I put that move on go limp and pee themselves.
Maybe, I thought to myself, being of mostly rational mind and the doctor says sound body, (both predicated on the continuing existence of the good people at Phizer), maybe she thought it was a 4 way yield! Then of course the concept of a 4 way yield slowly wafted over me. Getting a 4 way yield to work would be like getting Isreal and Palestine to have pig roast and reminisce about old times.
Therefore, there was only one logical conclusion. My car, and apparently me when I am in it, is invisible.
The next thing happened only a little down the road when at the gas station, while waiting patiently for a pump to open, a car came in from the other side and totally bogarted my pump. Well, if the man had been driving a BMW, I would have chalked it up to general deuchebaggery, but since he drove a Chevy Malibu, I can only assume he did not see me waiting there.
Because I was invisible.
Getting on the interstate a truck did not yield the lane to me, though he could have easily done so.
Because I was invisible.
Later, a woman turned left right in front of a car in front of me. She never even saw him. I stopped short, being able to see the potential for carnage, and only at the last second did she see the other car and the smoke trailing from his wheel wells. To her credit, she gave a little wave of contrition, but was so flumoxed by the fact she had just seen an invisible car appear out of nowhere that she cut off two other cars on the opposing side of the road.
It was then I realized, that every car in proximity to my car is also invisible. It wasn't until there was enough distance between us that the car in front of me became visible to the woman who cut off the other cars, and those cars never even slowed down because that woman too had become invisible!
Amazing! Now, I am at almost 100,000 miles and I never keep a car this long, so I don't know, but maybe it is a latent feature from the factory. You know, the car gets a little worse for wear. Don't take it to the body shop and spend all that dough, your car, and all its imperfections will simply fade from view! Perhaps it is a feature of my extended warranty?
Update:
I guess it was a temporary condition. The officer assures me that he, and his radar can see my car just fine, and that 94 is too fast in a 70. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.
P.S.
The last part is hyperbole (by which I mean a bald-faced lie), I did not get pulled over. Because my car is invisible.
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