Below is verbatim the cover letter I just sent in response of a job ad. I have to believe somewhere there is a company that will want me for my real silly self and not just the professional hard-ass side.
Will this be the one? Who knows, but the phrase "to thine own self be true" continues to ring as a mantra in my ears.
I can only be who I am. I just wish someone would pay me handsomely for it.
Dear Sirs,
I am responding to the career posting on Monster.com for the General Manager-Sales position. Many of my skills and strengths match the information on the job posting. Please read on to see why I am the best candidate applying for this position. O.k, I haven't met the rest of the candidates, so that is an unqualified and specious statement. But I am pretty good and I bring a lot to the table.
You will undoubtedly receive an overwhelming number of resumes and cover letters from a number of fine people who are excellent at what they do. Surely, any number of candidates will have the tangibles you are looking for. It is the intangibles that make me the candidate you want to hire.
I am absolutely reliable, engaging and speak well extemporaneously. I use humor and wit when engaging others and usually people find me charming (my dear wife excepted). I suit large audiences or small with an instantly likable demeanor and establish rapport well with others. I enjoy demonstrating product. I have a working knowledge of standard first aid, but would need to refresh my training and certifications.
My greatest strength is leading and inspiring people to be successful. I am a hands-on manager who is more like a coach than a professor, though I can profess as well as the next person. I genuinely like most people I meet. I like to inject levity in all circumstances. No one should want to cry at work and stress can often be avoided... or at least made enjoyable.
I am not afraid to develop an implement policies, train and coach, discipline and terminate when needed.
At one time I was a trained lifeguard which included standard first aid and CPR. I'll even throw in the fact that my mother was a nurse, which doesn't mean I know anything, but sometimes people say things like that to justify their qualifications.
I like working for smaller companies I find work is better when there is a personal touch. I treat the people around me with high regard, because that is how I like to be treated.
I volunteer for my church and community. I love Grand Rapids and work to make it a better place to live and learn and worship.
If you are still reading, that's a good sign for me and clearly means you are intelligent, enjoy lightheartedness and are probably better than average in every way. I am honored a person of your great caliber finds me worthy of consideration and I hope to meet you soon.
If you gave up after the first bit of cheekiness, assuming I was some sort of simpleton who was wasting your time, I hope you someday find the happiness you so richly deserve in life. I shall continue undaunted to find the perfect fit. Happiness is wealth and I want to be rich!
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