The Beginning of the End, or, A Lesson in Irrelevancy

Part of growth is change. Change is inevitable. Yet, for one giant government entity, change seems to be coming all too slowly. I am speaking of course of the U.S. Post Office.

I am do not relish industry downsizing because if often means jobs lost and lives changed, (for the worse), at least in the short term. But the Postmaster General himself admits that the postal service knows the days of high volume first class mail delivery, long the bread-and-butter of the whole operation, are over.

So the recent $3Bn in cuts while massive, will be completely ineffective. Completely. The reasons for this opinion of mine are enumerated by any number of professional news outlets who can do a much better job of explaining them than I, but it comes down to this: Your user base continues to shrink, the post office keeps cutting services allowing private enterprise into the vacuum who will do it better, faster, cheaper, forcing the user base to shrink and you keep cutting services, etc.

See where this is going?

My solution is this. By the end of 2013, shutter the U.S. Postal Service... at least in its current form. From now on, all metered mail of all types will be taken care of by purely private industries, not the hybridized public/private enterprise that we have come to know doesn't work. Need I even reference FannieMae and FreddieMac? Well, too late, I just did.

The postal service will begin to liquidate to the highest private bidder who can demonstrate ability, expertise and financial fortitude, all its routes and assets. The current crop of postal workers, who make government mandated minimum salaries, (reference the Davis-Bacon wage act for more information), receive government level benefits and pensions and who have to apply through normal government employment channels, will have to apply for jobs at the private concerns. They will be actual private employees working for actual private employers. Their pay and longevity will then presumably be based upon performance and work ethic. Just as it should be. Anyone who disagrees with this broad statement is welcome to debate the relative merit, (singular for a reason), of the seniority system. I wouldn't bother.

UPS, FedEx, DHL, RPS, etc. will see explosive growth. They will first balance the books by making sure their workers get paid a wage in line with the skill it requires to perform the tasks at hand. They will raise the rates on bulk mail and circulars. I guarantee they will have the books balanced and offer an easy to understand, safe and reliable service within a shot period of time. Customers will be happier. Users will increase through a series of continual improvements which all the private package handlers have shown in spades... these people are innovators. What was the last innovation the postal service introduced? The forever stamp? Whoopie!

Congress, comprised of failed business persons and felons, will no longer be the board of directors for the postal service, (I needn't extol the bounteous virtures inherent in that development), and can focus more of their energy on ruining our country while sucking money like so many human Hoovers. I didn't use Dyson there because of alliteration and on account of the fact that unlike the Dyson, Congress is composed of bags who do appear to lose some of their suction with age. Compare Barney Frank now with what he was in the 1980s for a good example of this phenomenon. I digress.

Direct mail inserts, unsolicited credit offers and all other manner of bulk detritus will slow or cease altogether. Therefore, greenhouse gasses and carbon emissions will thus be reduced.

I see win win win win win win win, here. Except for the too highly paid, too secure in their jobs postal delivery people who for generations have exploited the relative apathy of the public it serves and underperformed to the extent they can get away with it.

Kelly Garland Brown, friend and sometimes commentator to this blog posted to Facebook:

""For the first time in 40 years, stamped letters will not get somewhere overnight." Where does that happen? We live in Chicago, where it can take up to 2 weeks for something to get to another place in Chicago! Lose Saturday delivery? Don't care! My mailman doesn't deliver on Saturdays anyway since it interferes with his loafing schedule. Who uses the mail for anything important anyway?"

I think she and many others of her ilk, (read intelligent, educated professionals) will agree... The time for talking is over. The long, slow decline of the postal service is inevitable. Let's all save a lot of time and money and just euthanize it now.