Friday, June 8, 2012

Diagnosis: Death/The Truth Hurts

I was reading about the suicide of Bob Welch, the great guitarist and songwriter formerly of Fleetwood Mac and a successful solo career in the 1980s. Mr. Welch had an undisclosed illness and decided to go out on his own terms. At the bottom of the article was an article that caught my eye. 10 signs you may have lung cancer or some such thing. It was not a WebMD thing, but another related site that was sponsored as far as I could tell by a pharmaceutical concern. What can be more fun that reading about lung cancer over an east German omelet?

So, I have more of the 10 signs of lung cancer than I am comfortable with. I figured I'd have one or two, since 'symptoms' are often pan-conditional and don't necessarily mean one thing or another. For instance, one of the symptoms is shoulder pain radiating down the outside of the arm. Well, I have had this for many years as my neck and shoulders are afflicted with arthritis. Pain in these areas is de rigeur.

Wheezing - Of course this is a symptom. But I have asthma, so wheezing is something I deal with on a frequent basis.

I don't have a persistent cough, score one for me! But I do have frequent hoarseness. This is typically only a symptom if there is metastasis in the esophagus, so if you didn't know you had lung cancer until this point... well, so long. But again, hoarseness is a common sign of allergies and asthma.

The last is the pain in the areas of the chest cavity where the lungs are... but in my case, that only happens acutely and is the result of gas. I know this because... well, I know this. let's leave it at that.

So, I don't have lung cancer, (I think?), and I am not worried, but it brings up a good point. Don't go to the internet to diagnose yourself, because you will find that you are an encephalitic leper with mommy issues  who is steps from the peace of the grave. And you are likely contagious. All the best diseases are contagious. That ain't no rash, son, that necrotizing fasciitis! Get thee to a bubble!

The same held true when I was studying Psychology in college. Our first day of Abnormal Psychology, Dr. Anneliese Bowlby said in her Swabian slur, "You are all here because you are interested in finding out if you are crazy. I encourage you to refrain from diagnosing yourself with every little thing we read about this semester. After all, we are only in Psychology not to find out what is wrong with the others, but what is wrong with ourselves. We are all crazy to one extent or the other."

True words. Later, Dr. Bowlby would tell me I didn't have what it took to compete in grad school and I should look elsewhere for my future. Words that hurt, up to that time, more than any other words that had ever been spoken to me. Very true words. Dr. Bowlby was in her final year teaching and she was my academic advisor.She was long past mincing words. Later at the end of the year banquet for the Psych department which I attended because my then girlfriend was the salutatorian of the school, Dr. Bowlby apologized for saying what she said. I told her it was okay, and it was right. Perhaps she could work on her delivery, but her message was pretty spot-on.

I did a quick google search for Dr. Bowlby and am happy she is very much with us at 76 years old. hopefully she has many more years with us. And for some reason, if Dr. Bowlby googles herself one boring morning and comes across this little inconsequential reference to her otherwise stellar and important academic career and life, I have this to add:

We are all indeed a little crazy. Thanks for not only teaching me how to spot it, but also how to be at peace with it.

Now, about scheduling that chest X-ray...

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