This is an idea I had, malformed and only partially so at that. With all apologies, I will try to work this treatment out for all to see, though it is ill conceived and probably not as funny as it struck me to be when it presented itself as a fleeting thought at five o'clock this very a.m.
Without further adieu, here is a letter written by a civil war era soldier back home to his sweetheart, Cordelia... all Civil War era ladies were named Cordelia. These soldiers were young, and held to the bar of modern standards, poorly educated. And yet, it seems when you read some correspondence or watch a Ken Burns film that these young men were so eloquent, even poetic in their descriptions of battle, life and longing.
Following this, is something on the order of what you may see today by an average teen or young man to his girlfriend.
My Dearest Cordelia,
My mind aches at the distance between us. My entreaty to the almighty is for us to be reunited safely and soon and that we shall never again be parted so long as God's will be done on Earth. For while here in this untidy place, woven of chaos and fear I cannot be complete for lack of your countenance.
The men are afeared as our previous efforts against our foe have lead to nothing but unceasing death and pestilence, resulting only an utter loss of morale and continued intransigence of the line of battle. As of late, no man here is a soldier so much as an undertaker and no recently dead man's corpse regarded so sacred as to save it the indignities of being stripped of its possessions like one would do with an old twenty dollar plow.
But of course, my love of loves, I shall not continue to press upon you my burden as I envision your frame being laden with worry at the description of my vicissitude. It is with this concern that I lift to you the depth of my faith in my return to you, a man who is able and very much alive all the better for that which I have endured. And as it comes to be so, I shall marry you with immediacy and set aside the horrors of this war and set about providing for you a life which you will regard as a blessing.
It is in my deep and abiding love for you, my sweet Cordelia, that I find my strength to suffer the inequities of war, and hunger and cold. For no campfire, indeed no burning hot sun can provide the warmth my heart desires. Only your dear sweet smile, the dulcet tones of your melodious voice and the beauty of your face can provide these elusive things.
As I continue on in my struggle, I keep your picture at my breast and envision the coming day whereupon I shall walk up your path, gravel crunching beneath these boots, no longer the engine of war, intent upon only holding you in my embrace until the day is gone and exhaustion sets upon us.
Until then, my darling Cordelia, I shall whisper your name each morning and night in the hopes that somehow the echo of my emotions find your ear that you may know fully the conviction of my heart.
Yours Forever,
Francis Beauregard Tuttle-Ashford Lee III
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Babe,
This class sux. I can't wait 2 see u again in the hall. Yo booty looks so good in those jeans. I don't like them dudes checkin' you out, but what can i do? Study hall blows. It is so boring. There's like, 15 min left and I don't think I'm gonna make it.
Later we should hook up at my place. My parents won't be home for an hour, so if you don't mess around I could tap you like a keg before dinner.
Peace,
Moogie.
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